Taking A Leap

Last month I made a major decision in my life – to change job – after 12 years of my employment with the company I joined when I graduated from engineering in 2007, I finally decided to pursue a career elsewhere.

I still remember the first day when my dad took me to the new city where I had to join, with no friends from the place I studied – I felt like a child being taken by her parent to join a new school. Hyderabad was a new experience for someone who grew up in a familiar surrounding in the small town of Salem in Tamil Nadu all her life. I was surrounded by people, yet felt lonely most of the time. But this scene did not last long till I made some lovely bunch of friends. Soon, I moved cities, learnt bits and pieces of new languages,struggled with my job and life , and then came a period where this job gave me all the comfort. Be it job security ,easy work timings, freedom to pursue things that I love – I know I had all the best, but at the cost of answering questions form people who kept nudging about travelling abroad while working for an IT org.

I was happy for myself. But sometimes opportunities come your way – they scare you and excite you all at the same time. This is what happened to me. After mulling over whats best and weighing the pros and cons, I decided to turn my back to the comfort zone where I lived happily for a little over a decade and take up the new challenge . Then came the difficult part where people bombarded me with questions on my work life balance, commute time and other stuff if I were going to take the new challenge. The over thinker in me began finding excuses and answers to all the questions.I was engulfed by the fear of the unknown. I stayed awake late in the night, and waking up early in the morning constantly in dialogue with my mind and emotions. It was depleting my energy and will power.

Over analyzing the future and the potential risks factors blurs the view of the present. I learnt this in a few days. I knew I will be having less or no time for my reading, blogging,my fitness routine or for anything that I love. I knew I will be missing people, place and the environment. The place where I worked had evolved to be my second home in the last 12 years.I began touching my desk and speaking to her about how soon someone else is going to own her. I walked several times to the pantry and looked out through the glass window thinking about how I would miss the view . Every time I walked down the corridors, memories came flooding in. Blame the dopamine to my strong memory .

It became difficult as days passed and only a couple of friends and dear ones spoke encouraging about the leap. They said its OK to reflex the muscles at whatever life throws,but to step out of that cozy comfort zone. It felt reassuring. And I wondered, why can’t many more spread positivism and encouragement through what they talk ? Does it always have to be about the negatives, the depressive thoughts.

I am drafting this with just 3 days left for me to serve in my first job. I am repeating this to myself “if not now, then never”. Life takes us through a roller coaster. It’s a scary ride at times not knowing where it would end and how we would handle it . All that we can do is to just grab strong and run with it, no matter how hard life can be. I’m usually not the one for taking risks but this time something in my gut told me to, and I really think everything is going to be okay.

Some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.